Yukabacera's news page
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7. Downsized again
I figure I should just stop reporting this, because the effect has started to wear off somehow. But yeah, if you heard the broadcast, several Komato fleets simultaneously invaded Tasen space in a massive assault, and we now have two less planets. The casualty report hasn't even finished yet.
It's like you just want to reach into Komato High Command, wherever that is, and say "Hey! We get it now! We're no longer a threat to you, so would you kindly stop wasting our planets? It's not like you can use them for yourselves anyway, unless you find acid rain a good complement to crater landscape vistas."
I know, I know. Kiron, now a subordinate of some young Komato General called Tor, inserted a message into our all-wide feed stating that the hunt would never end until we either surrendered or went extinct, though we all know the former would lead to the latter anyway. Hel Sarie made an official reply, saying that she's aware of the morals behind the path we have chosen, but to surrender to the likes of the Komato would be the only true way to lose.
Hey, next time I'll tell you about some crazy old Komato logbooks I got my hands on. No sense in just reporting the bad news all the time... dunno about you, but without some humor in my life, I think I'd go insane. Yuka out.
8. The log about logs
If you're looking for the craziest, oddest writings Komatokind has ever produced, it's not in their all-wide news feed, but their personal logbooks, and logbook-targeted mass feeds. Don't ask me how I got my hands on some of these...
First up is the good old Komato Recreational Unit, talking about Hyper Turret Game. You know what it is, right? A bunch of people running around a field, trying to punt a dismantled standard Turret between two posts, simulating the activity as it was first invented during starship and even battlecruiser raids. There's too much nonsensical detail to get into here, but in short, it's simultaneously a mockery of our army - that the starship raids eventually turned into a game - and an example of the Komatos' mindset that anything can be turned into one. I have several logbooks more on the subject, but I'll spare you.
Second is one of the Informational Center's advertisements. They're not as bad as the Imperial Weapon Industries' stuff, but... see for yourself:
Tired of parasites eating your Nanogun for breakfast? Being nibbled on by those pesky little Blits? With BLIT-AWAY SPRAY, all your worries will be over! Order now, and get a free Assassin-class laser dagger! Note: Due to the aggressive (and heavily armed) local animal rights activists, BLIT-AWAY SPRAY has not been tested on any live organisms, including Blits. Please use this product at your own risk.
Come to think of it, the worst of all is probably the Tasen Center of Advertisement's stuff. I'm never riding those lifts again.
Third is a copy of a log about Nanoweapons cracking, with an erased personal identification, so I'm going to assume it's real considering the illegal subject. Appearantly written by a guy calling himself OmnikrakR (related to NanoBitSplit and Craxmasta), it details the specifics of how to crack a Nanogun loaded with certain weapons, to combine them into a more powerful one (a Resonance reflector in this case). The Komato Imperial Army has been doing it for starturns and selling the weapon mods for large amounts of Units, but it's only now that the crackers have started to figure them out, and are actually reverse-engineering the weapon mods under their noses. I've touched on this before (NanoBitSplit's the one they supposedly caught), and it's still considered treason, but I don't know what's funnier - the Imperial Army selling stuff a mere cracker can reproduce, that the crackers have reproduced it so relatively easily, or just that they're likely going to get severely punished for it by Komato High Command itself once it figures out who the authors behind all those funny nicknames are.
Yuka out! Out of parantheses, if anything. Ha. Ha.